Do you think we can talk ourselves into being happy?
I do believe that there are many situations that we encounter or experience that we actually help create. You might call it “self fulfilling prophesies”.
If we expect people to act a certain way, we tend to treat them in such a way that would draw out that behavior. There was an experiment where men were put on the telephone with women that they thought were beautiful and those men became more charming in their conversation. This led to the women being much warmer in their response. A wonderful environment was created out of a perception.
Another experiment led some university men to believe that a female student was attracted to them, while others were led to believe that they were not. Later conversations between them revealed a self fulfilling prophesy. When the man believed the woman found him more attractive, he responded to her in such a way that she was more likely to make her act as if she did. When you idealize someone it draws those responses out of them. Whereas when you criticize someone it has the same effect. This tells me that only a fool would criticize or degrade their spouse.
You might ask, “In long term relationships, does idealizing your partner set you up for later disappointment? No. Positive illusions about partners tend to be prophetic. Those who idealize their dating partners as having many virtues and few faults tend to have a more satisfying and long lasting relationships. These perceptions tend to be self fulfilling. People tend to accept their partners perceptions. I heard it said that love is not blind, rather, it helps to create the reality that it presumes.
In short, you need to be nicer to people. You need to treat your mate in such a way that you spark the reaction that you desire. Your action cannot help but draw a reaction. What you say has an impact. When you talk about happy things, you tend to draw people who have the same attitude. I will answer by saying that you can talk yourself into or out of just about anything.